(Oh No ) I'm Awful.

I am shallow , I should be wheeled around in a wheel barrow,
I'm not worth it, really, I'm not worth it.
I'm weak, I try to speak how everyone else speaks,
I can't spell, I smell, I should be in a cell.

I'm barred from all the good bars,
On the street, passers-by spit on my feet.
I'm on Crimewatch, I'm under neighbourhood watch,
On the train, fellow passengers complain.

I am vain, I am covered in suspicious stains,
I downloaded my qualifications from the internet,
I'm a sham, I admit, I never played drums for the Brotherhood Of Man,
I am out on bail with every chance of going to jail.

I've stolen the charity box,
Given two schoolgirls a nasty bout of pox,
Pissed through the priest's letterbox,
Kicked my girlfriend out and changed the locks.

I bounce cheques, patronise the opposite sex,
Tell teenage rock fans I played bass with T.Rex,
Oh No, I'm Awful.
Oh No, I'm Awful.