I am David Beckham's Hairdresser.

Back street salon next to a back street abortionist,
I was going nowhere with my radical plans for hair.
I cut Harry Kewell's quiff into the shape of a peacock,
Then the M62 into Lee Sharpe's sideburns.

Word got round all over the cotton mill towns of the north-west,
I was commissioned to work on Callum Best ( he tipped poorly).
A double page spread in FHM was followed by a four page pull out in the Rochdale Echo.
My time had come.