Busy times here in Bridport. Working on two new songs - a cover version - the first the DS have attempted - Madonna's "Vogue" - plus a new original composition " I Wanna Purdey Haircut".

A new song - a historic document of me going to see The Fall play at The Opera House in Bournemouth last September. All of this is true.


Thrown Out Of A Fall Gig.

Timeline : september 2006
location: bournemouth, dorset, england uk
exact location: the opera house, boscombe.
In a rundown part of town
where the shops are boarded up
the shopkeepers sleep with a revolver under the pillow
to save their businesses from being de-businessed overnight
it was here at
my advanced age
here at this time of life
I was thrown out of a fall gig

burly, surly security men
dressed in black like the idiot SS
sat on the stage staring at the paying public
of whom I was one that night
blocking the view of mark and his colleagues
I took exception to their ridiculous attitude
and filmed them with my nokia mobile phone
this alerted the leader of the idiot SS
who was a woman, a younger leaner version of myra hindley
she was on me in a second, soon joined by her colleagues

I was frog marched to a tiny office , the size of a small pisser,
a desk, a cheap filing cabinet and a secondhand answerphone
it flashed, some poor fucker had left a message- it would not be heard
in they came like a flock of fucking sheep
there were eight of us in there - seven of those cunts and me
"you are a little cunt" they told me
"fucking tell me something new , you cunt" I replied
this wasn’t going as they had expected
"you’re in deep trouble" some cunt told me
" go fucking fuck yourself" I said. I’ve always prided myself on my stance regarding authority

"this is a serious matter" said their leader, the myra hindley character
" you were filming me and my fellow fools- this is an offence under the recently made up ‘don’t fuck about with bouncers’ law
"we’re not bouncers" one piped up
" we go on courses and have certificates"
I sensed a weakness here
" crikey, do you have a certificate?"
"yes he replied" I could see his chest puffing out
" so why don’t you shove that certificate up your stinking arse, you cunt"
this wasn’t going as they had expected

I was thrown out of a fall gig, like rubbish into a back street alley
in boscombe, where holidaymakers go for a gentle day out
" you’re lucky" spat myra hindley
" yeah, I fucking know that"
I re-grouped and went round the front of the opera house,
I still had my ticket so attempted a re-entry
all was going well, until - guess who - yeah fucking myra hindley turned up
she’d pre-empted my tactic - and you have to give the lesbo control freak respect for that
"no way, fuck off you little cunt"
well, my wife was still in the opera house, unaware of my situation
I had to get news to the girl - she would not be pleased - she’s not over keen on the fall , believes mes stinks of old man’s piss- she drove me to see them as a favour

enter stage left johnny clarke - free from toil post support slot and ready for a few hours liberty in boscombe,
"what’s going on here" the punk poet inquired
"john, do you recall the disco students? - we shared a stage in aylesbury in 1980?"
" I do, I’ve only been to aylesbury once in my life, twas the night I met the disco students"
under the increasingly acidic view of myra hindley, jcc & I recalled our previous association.
"this man must be returned to the auditorium" shouted john cooper-clarke
" he is a disco student"
but this cut no mustard with the idiot SS
" he broke all the rules, used a nokia mobile phone to prove we’re a bunch of cunts"
john cooper-clarke looked me in the eye
" sorry mate, I don’t carry any weight around here" and he was gone
so I had to sit on a wall, awaiting the end of the fall
then explained to my wife, the unfairness of my life.
And to cap it all - she got a speeding ticket from them speed cameras that are all the rage.

We played the Dublin Castle date on Friday night. A success. A good sized crowd - and we gave it the lot. A right racket. A new set, John the bass's debut, the introduction of the synthesiser - everything could have gone wrong - but no. Really good reaction - and a great number of well-wishers after the performance passing on compliments. The DS are back on track. I'm off down to Bridport for a couple of days with my ever increasing array of recording equipment to rattle out a couple of new songs.

There are a couple of new songs on the MySpace site - "My Wasp Synthesiser" and "Sunk On A Stormy Sea". www.myspace.com/2006discostudents
Final rehearsals this week before our live date at The Dublin Castle. I've been loading up the sampler and putting the finishing touches to the synthesiser. We'll be playing around half an hour - mostly new material - a couple of older songs. I'd like to think we can record a mini album type release with this line-up - hopefully putting it out in the Summer.

We're getting nearer the Dublin Castle date - and we rehearsed the new material last night. It sounds good. A new addition is a synthesiser - played by me. Bit of work to do, but it does give us a stronger sound.Looking forward now to the new DS taking to the stage. Here's a picture of me rehearsing.