I Am The Man Who Invented Fridge Magnets.

I went out with a girl and told her I was gay,
Her brothers tried to give me eighty five pounds to go away.
I said " Let me, let me proove myself"
"I'll throw myself down a hill and bruise myself"

I looked for a Get Rich Scheme,
A new flavour of ice cream,
An opportunity in the United States,
A way to get round paying business rates.

I tried crime but didn't like the company,
One night I broke into the offices of a listed company,
I stripped lead from the local church roof,
Melted it down and sold it as a new mixer for Vermouth.

But I'm mainstream.
I'm mainstream.
I am the man who invented fridge magnets.

You'll miss me when I've gone.
You'll miss me when I've gone.